MY SEAT........

To an empty audience of seats,I walk in...

To an ocean of emptiness , I seem to drown in...

While I choose a position with care and thought,

to be in the centre yet not be in spotlight at all...

Then came in pouring were drones and bees,

mindlessly chattering about tee's and tv's...

As a rush seems to take positions all around,

filling in voids giving shape to a crowd...

Once alone i sat ,all proud and composed,

now the noise irritates and my individuality seems lost ...

The fish market uproar is all i can bear ,

but soon enough it gets hushed and sank...

Then came in a lady of knowledge and flare,

which brought about a trans nobody then swayed...

How for an hour she spoke in a monotony,

while others yawned and moved restlessly...

Her arms were thrown in all directions,

while she bordered the class into two sections...

Then she spoke and spoke till her watch could allow no more,

then it got over and all but me disperesed...

I reached the same state of emptiness but queer,

how all she said seemed to impart some gain but

i just sat there looking out of the pane...

My world seemed to exist outside there but now,

all empty it seems to come back...

For days and years we have sat in such rooms,

where people slid in and rushed out soon...

While i have been around these seats for long,

trying to understand the thoughts of them all...

I am blank but impulsive,as i do not see care,

just am here and here for, eternity seems near...

The root of my being here seems to have no beat ,

but still i come early each day, to choose that seat...

MINE'S..............

As i sit here today,feelings are hard to come by,
moments of down,seem to tell a mocking lie...
I am not free i say, I'm all sad and murky ,
In my moment of need i have no one so cuddly...
I rise free all day and hit hard by dusk,
have left my ones behind but seek what i must
in my wish to escape ,my mines i miss...
in the longing to experience lone, am left all lonely
i didn't wish for this but this seems to be setting forth
in my hunger for the love,i have killed my very own....
how much they needed me ,i could see from their eyes
yet i stabbed them in the back while hugging them goodbye...
oh!lord for this day had i been bestowed,to choke my own...
oh!almighty,tell me now am i doing all right ...
do i kill my happiness and see their satisfaction, as my life...
how can i give my life for someone today
though it was given by them and its theirs to take...
i know i know i seem to take it in all fairness
to decide what is just and what isnt...
i have no answers to the questions unlimited
when i was with them i choked each day,
stifling my dreams for the love they held by bay...
it is not me, to hurt others on purpose
but it neither is me to bend for others...
i try to suffice these two sides all day
yet the balance seems to difficult and alien each day....
help me , help me these questions are loads
do i go back and live the ordinary i was...
or do i take a chance and as i cant see them trying helplessly each day
for they are my own yet i cannot be but theirs...
how would you do God, to be so selfless yet motivated to do for one and all
how do you seem to get what i say....
i Noe you are smiling at my merciless case
i Noe for now i miss them and so are they,
thinking how nice it be if i were there...
oh how things be the same and how life be it all
i have tears in my eyes yet i wanna say more...
for the more i say the better i understand and maybe better so do you
and thus for me the love seems big ,I'm in a fix so please help me tick...
in all years they stood in rain and night
let nothing shadow me while they walked right behind...
how do i not payback for what is theirs
how do i hold someone new and walk out instead...
no no no this is not what i want
my values still stand strong,my love ,my life are all mine to have...
for i need to stand and wither all the rain and shine like the sun when the clouds part away...
i know i know i can do it still
i just need you and them and god your help from within..........

AUGUST RUSH

I have a feeling it all may be lost
the notes,those rhymes that song be lost
i sense not all but the future is dark
for the melodies of life seem to whisper and chant
i feel a sense or is it a sense of feeling
im all confused while you glow from my broken ceiling
im right if i may!!
im just if i obey??

That nursery rhyme from a child
that sonnet heard from the wild
it all seems so long forgone
to sense it all i forbore
i wanna,i wanna,i wanna feel it open and free
let the breeze pick me up and let me dance by the trees
i know i may not be able to see this in light
yet for all i know i wanna live a life with might

its been years since ive sat on the end of the railing
and a long time since ive strolled on my bike
its been years since ive touched the water when its raining
and a long time since ive heard all the sounds i like

i wanna be free again and run like mad

i wanna smile unnoticed and laugh myself to death

to just think of it all makes me gay
a smile with a slight tear it brings upon
im not weak as u see me cry
im stronger than most men who have died
i live the life of free from care
yet fully aware of my duties I dare..................

SEEMS UNSEEN

That moss has grown,that murky feeling has come by
the life it all has just seized by

Those hands that used to hold,feel all but theirs own now
that love that seemed,seems to grow only in the past now

The ages of running and jumping around
the months of fighting and quarreling now make no sound

Age has but left all back
in a race i so wanna turn back

Those hideouts,those places that i loved to be
have all decayed with time but all still be

Yet forth i move or so it may seem
the trot you think its a frenzy indeed

That happiness has control on me no more
that chirpy little me is to be heard no more

My life my way to me it all has always seemed
yet why do i stand today and ask this to thee
why you seem to have chosen such a path for me

But all i stand today and figure is ,
why did it happen to me

Somewhere im incomplete somewhere im lost
to find myself im ready to pay all cost

Yet step by step nothing seems to come
for all seems left and buried as dusk may come

I see no sea,nor a zenith up and beneath
i see no me but a body with no life and glee.......

Angels & Demons

A voice called out,so cold was it ,
i could not breath for the chill froze my spine ,
i couldnt help but notice how all was it so divine,
none but to fear the black like Myst that demon engulfed from the back,
the eyes were blue so gorgeous with shine,it seemed to drain me from inside,
that nose was thin and short but perfect the lips all red all temptin but poisnous within,
the face were dark with veins that shown the dark of its skin seemed darker than before,
the skin sparkled a radiance as if stars in a clear sky,
the fragrance was clean could kill all but wouldnt die,
that demon or angel yet all but inspired deep within,
it showed all none love but death in quantum..........
i dont noe what was there inside me that had arisen
as i walked in the crowd of men,female and children.......
the laughters of children ,the worry of the parents.....
they all just waked without knowin who peered.........
thousand seem to walk by and all i could but see
was were the expressions of their souls and on the cheek.......
far past sat a girl all crippled i could not help but see........
begging her food from people guzzling weed..........
a clinch i felt but couldn't understand why
should i help her right now but whose going to be there tom by her side..........
i walked on as women all grumpy and obese
kept nonstop conversin in what seemed latin and greek..........
yet forth a small girl walked all merry and gay
holdin the little fingers of her mom and her accomplice...
she barked at the dog who scratched himself impatient.....
makin all around jump up in laughter.......
her innocence in the dark of that night
even brought upon(me) a weak smile ....
further as we walked ,the neons and hoardings passed unknown......
the walk i felt was unattended,only my heart felt living.......
amongst this crowd that i now stand its amazing to feel and enhance.....
is this all that life wants or is there more to see.......
just the glitter and shining the outer me...
in all in forth in truth there be
for what hasnt and never will be.......
i stand today to make a point loud and clear.....
i hold myself to make my name bigger
larger and bolder i promise it to be
to take all the demons and set the angels free
to withstand all tests but none id be
in with and from HIS testimony i shall be........

WITH AN EYE IN THE SKY

(This poem is a means for u to reflect in your life,try doin it and if u see pars u can relate to pl tell
me too itll be an honor for me)


Deep breaths it took,covered in calcium
awaiting for the freedom of its capture
All day went in to all nights as the heat stood inside
the wait had begun,to face the world outside
If it would even get a chance to step out,he wasnt sure
If he would get out and survive a second he wasnt sure
Yet determined and with an ambition in those eyes
he stood the wait as his mother sat on him all tight
Days passed by ,to form that day,the day he would hatch out and begin to traverse 'his' way
He wasnt alone from the very start,as he popped his head from the calcium cast
Many alike started popping out,they were his siblings as his mom called out
Unknown and unheard,theyd fight with themselves someday

He fought when the food was fed from mouth to mouth
He moved i his house to check all what was around
All he could see were gorges infinite deep
As his home stood on a branch of a half-dead tree
He saw his dad fly high in the sky,circling to see if something moved far by
Just then he saw a creature far below,as he shot in the gorges like an arrow
Within moments he was there and had caught his prey
Now he sat like a king and fed in hurry
something within felt like a clinch,was it joy or a challenge to beat him
His dad was his hero but a competition none alike
His survival was necessary to show him his pride
Next day forth that feeling turned a shade grey
he fought with his siblings from dusk to day
Food was less,the sun was mean
the agony of acids inside felt him being eaten within
Desperation stretched forth,but he fought to stay right
But only love and hunger ,can change all without a sigh
His spirit changed to that of greed,now he woke up
and fought again to kill his own breed
He stood and ate on his sisters intestines,
with none but swollen eyes for all it could strive
They made him further mortal for love was selfless
and all that mattered was survival none the less
Within days he grew and strong,like none seen before
His strength without flight was sure not heard before
Then came the day from total seven only two reached the bay
The mother was the worst for she had lost pieces of her heart,
yet couldnt show it but just felt it in her heart

now all set he was to do what he was born for
fly and reach what his father had mastered on
The mothers approval was all he required
and then went on a journey to make all bedazzle
His eyes shone none for fear
his heart shone none for dear
Up and away he flew past and all
to the lands of up and down and so on
He flew till days and nights to see for what he had dreamt
His love was unfulfilled in that empty sky that lay barren
Then he came across lands so beautiful
so green, so lush, so umpty with food

Its here he decide he shall live till death
Its here he will die till Thou comes and begs
The friendliness of the land was only for a whisper
life had sent his biggest challenger
He had to fight till death to prove his metal
To live and ride on those free lands
to free it from its conqueror at hand
The battle was long and mean and left deep scars
his will was strong and his nails deep in the others heart
He stood victorious but a past hit him back
it felt as if standing on his sisters back
The lands were his but he missed his mother
and then he lived a life better than his father
Fed when he felt,rested at will
all day was his and all night was his
For all day he flew way high in the sky
his head and heart inline with the sky
It was his he had proven,the land,the trees,the water,all mercy bent on him
With time he learnt more and rode
had kids and wives ,numerous and more
lived a life like none but that one thought had stagnated
as he stood on his sisters breast and ate
Forgiveness was not for the weak he felt
he deserved to be punished but how he never felt
His thoughts were all in,fiery and fast
yet deep for he didnt wanna live this far
He fed within,was this all there be
success and greatness that he all needed to see
The inner is what he felt is super and all
his heart is what needs worship and call
Love and mercy and peace now he understood
Being great was not to be shone with his wounds
but by a heart so big,the world could seap in
with patience so deep whole life could fit in
with strength so strong,he could look at himself
with peace so pure,he could smile for no reason
with love so inert,he could ward off all egos
A message, a life,he now dedicated to this
he taught to one and all the beauty of these
Its through this he repaid he had grown upon
Its through this he repaid for a guilt he had fed on for so long
Its through this he repaid for a mistake he had done long back.........

Friends almost gone.....

Donno whats on ...donno whats there....
need them all....find almost, but all....
heart weeps on their distance.....
the laughters seem to have faded....
the memories just lie deep within....
i just wanna be with u guys...

like brothers we paraded,like men we ruled..
insight for a victory that never seemed in gloom..
so wish for them all to come back,so want to be all by them....
never felt this way,never rode this bay...
how it seems all so distant,how this worlds changed..
was it something wrong i did,was it a fear or dark...
that u cannot face me anymore,my eyes too dar u just cannot look at..
tell me oh! tell me indeed what wrong i have done...
to see u this way is not what i had earned...
its ur memories that lie beneath...
i just wanna be with u guys..

comeover lets start afresh i say...
come over lets join hands stronger and gay...
donno why this has come over,donno why it has all begun
all i wanted was to be with none but u...
my hearts seemed all frozen ,for days have gone by..
since we've last smiled,since we've last touched...
that stupid joke,that merciless tap...
need it all be back,need it all be true..
i love u guys,come back,i need you...
promise will make it true this time...
promise will see it through this time...

jaanu.......

the first.....

Presenting,i was ,at the top of my throat
shouting out a point,with endeavor,i was...

then came a voice,clear as crystal
stung deep within,in that moment i was queer

her sound was so different,
i had never heard something like that before

her pitch was so strong,
i had never felt something like that before

her tone was so lit,
i had never seen something like that before

her eyes were so shimmering
i could never see any thing after that anymore

she stood up with a panache
and i just fell forever

she smiled at my remark
and i just stood queered

she spoke like a nightingale
her melody all but pale
i just seem to savor that from life till death
not knowing she'd be my reason to them

ever since id always steal an eye
to gaze in those mesmerizing eyes.....

her eyes were her best
so deep they went,till date i haven't reached their end

her face was small
but all features intact

her hair not long
all brown and worned out

her forehead ended quickly
for her eyes needed all there be

her nose like a vase
started and spread out at the base

her cheeks so red
you would think she'd be blushing
well all she was, a little feverish....

i stood there and kept looking at her
nor knowing for what ,neither would it ever be clear...

something there unheard happened
unaware we would be for each other...

till date i look back at that special encounter
i smile,i laugh, i cry and ponder...

charming,serene,magical,..i fall short of words,
cause none seem to describe that moment of love...

my whole world seems to start from that very instant
no big bang it was,just an interruption in course...

even today i sit here and wonder
why she stood up and said a hi...

there seemed so much more,since ages
i feel she knew ,i knew her, yet had never seen...

i cant believe my luck,to have gotten her at last
cant believe my love,to have been fulfilled so vast...

that was it the moment of revelation
the moment i see my love of life
the moment i speak ,'the first' ,to the love of my life....

dreams of fear...

In divinity i live foe thee,for what aint asked,i shall tell you indeed.
my silence is not the end,im rehearsing for the offense.
in fear my dreams are not broken,its my love that has made them soften
my love is not free here,the more i say the more i hold
i make it in the ray of hope what shall would and be ,
i may see forth from dusk to dawn.......

Thoughts Encircling

Silent is my soul,stunted is the growth,
stopped are the winds,the mercy is mean,
the need is glean,the waves are low
and the hole seems to grow.....

i see it as it happens not helpless but am wothout a reason
i wish for no more,ita ll seems so stable
desires see no more,the thirst hurts no more
i feel complete to say, i dont know
where i am headed for this world is silent and the nights seem long
the Ruth is fulfilled,i see to beg them no more

teacher

i watch him walk by,as he speaks to all,forth or not he just moves his walk
knowledge and wit he shares with no bares
all to him,they see equal and at par
what goes on when his heart is sad,what shares forth till the dusk has set
we never know what goes in him outside that class
he seems all worked out here,waht does he feel when he looks at us,when he looks at me
what goes on in him,what does he feel,is he human,who is he,what is he.....

studies to me is just another book being read,all they need us to know is what they have learnt
all this seems so low , for my flight seems too high
i wanna see more than just the light in his eye......

my love

her truth is so bright,i cannot stand the glare
her faith is so deep,i fear the shade
her touch is so pure,i was born in filth
her voice is so true,i have never stood it
her love is so clean ,i can never fulfill it....

In me...

Of what my heart says,my eyes disbelieve...
of what my thoughts need,my dreams complete...

i make my thoughts bound to what is right and just,unable to decide if i must...
im not for what is mine,my thoughts need free...
from the jail to which this world has confined me...

yet for the against gets forcefully for-ed because of know...
not all i feel is true to the core...

this neture of half baked lies and silf-imposed truths...
why isnt there just a simple false and true...

i seem to cut short on those long desries,for new have brought forth sweetness never desired...

i care to see,i want to be,i need that all but the limits need
be for the duration be see,for i cant care for the unsaid need...

i forsee whats there,i think im there but whatever ive felt
there has been more that has been delt...

the moves,the touch,the smell,the love all too strong
grasp me from my sole...

i wish that be for all the time...
i wish i see no more in life...
i wish for what is mine,yet scared if it werent mine...
i fall weak at times i need to shine...
i feel im alive for none to reason why...

my worth is lost in that moment of lame...
still my love stands strong in that moment of lies...